People with too much time on their hands and not enough information

Those of you who have kept up with the happenings at Chez Sader know the following:

1. Janet and I love each other very much
2. Janet and I love our children very much
3. Janet's bio-parents have abandoned her because she won't follow the inane rantings of Charles Taze Russell and his ilk.

So, for NYE we had planned to ship the kids down to grammy's so that

1. Grammy could see them
2. We could party all night w/o fear of small children wanting to be fed at some unearthly hour - like 7:00 a.m. Jan. 1, 2008.

Yahoo Chat at work:

rhg_sader: Your mom just called me and told me not to bring the kids down.
scrod_puppy: What?
rhg_sader: She said we didn't know the meaning of love and she couldn't support us.
scrod_puppy: Call me.

So one short phone call later in which Janet informed me she didn't know what the hell my mother was talking about I had the following (paraphrased) conversation with my mother.

Me: Mother, why did you tell Janet not to bring the kids down?
Mom: I just can't support you two if you're going to do that!
Me: Do what?
Mom: I know what you two are doing, it's all over the internet!
Me: What do you think we're doing?(I'm baffled)
Mom: You two are husband and wife-swapping, it's all on myspace.
Me: (angry)What? Who told you that?
Mom: I just can't support that. You two don't know how to love each other...

The conversation degenerates from there. During the remainder of the conversation, I'm told how I'm a poor parent, addicted to the internet, and that I don't know how to love someone. To use understatement to it's full effect: The conversation does not go well. There is shouting involved in my beautifully private cubicle.

Here's a short summary of the evidence(we think) that she's basing this opinion on:

1. My wife, who I've been with for eight years, in a fit of romantic passion gave me *gasp* a hickey one evening. During the course of that receding we went to my mothers and I *blatently* showed it off. I.e. I wore my normal no-collared t-shirt. I know, I'm very risque and brash.
2. My mother apparently overheard my wife talking to someone at Thanksgiving saying "You should have stayed, that's when the fun really started..." Neither I, nor apparently my mother was privy to the entire conversation since I was busy hosting and mom was nowhere near the actual conversation.
3. My wife, on myspace, lists her orientation as 'bi-'. Mind you, this is something she discovered about herself during her many hours of therapy and mind-awakening away from the JWs.
4. I have no fucking idea what else she's seen/browsed.

So, due to the fact that my wife and I enjoy a refreshing bedroom romp every once and a while, talk to people who visit our house, have a penchant for comfortable clothing, and the fact that Janet has discovered that if she was starting from scratch again she could play the field, we obviously must be swappers or whatever the term is now-a-days for orgy participants. All of this from the demon myspace and some unconfirmed commentary by a prudish third party.

This 'case' as it were is so ridiculous as to not merit a response, but respond I shall.

Here's what the inter-tubes say about 'Keith Sader' That's right, I'm having a torrid affair with all things Java/Ruby/Scrum/Roller/C++/geek. I just can't keep my pants up when someone says 'meta-programming'. Here's what the tubes say about 'Janet Sader'. Yep she's a sultry harlot for democratic primaries and blogger-socials. Whew, it's a wonder I can keep up with her the way she cavorts about! Yes had anyone bothered to search "all over the internet" this is what they would have found about the den of sin that is my household. Sometimes the cops have to be called to keep all of the horny folks away from my door begging for smoked turkey, bbq ribs, and the raconteur that is my wife.

All of this from the woman who has never bothered to turn on a PC to see the 2500+ pictures of her grand children. Words fail me. The woman I've told everyone was an example of unconditional love due to her care of my father for ten plus years has done this to my family on the scant evidence(I think) above. I never thought my mother would turn into my wife's parents, but even I the great and powerful Oz can be wrong :-(

My father's relationship was complex, but I never ever had the fear that our differences could ever take his affection away from me. My mother has turned into, for lack of a better word, a absolutist. If you don't fit the mold of exact perfection that she herself can't live up to, she will cast you aside. Those are indeed cruel words to type, but I can't think of how to phrase it any other way.

Sadly yours,